Wedding Bites: To bridesmaid or not to bridesmaid?

So I have been thinking of this for a while now. Some of my girlfriends have also been asking me if I am going to have bridesmaids or not. Some just assume that I will be having bridesmaids, and ask me how many. Which leads me to the question: Do I really need bridesmaids?


This bridesmaids trend among Malay brides started quite recently, and is obviously inspired by western traditions. I don’t recall Malay brides having bridesmaids about 5 years ago and before that. So far, none of my maternal cousins who got married had any bridesmaids as far as I can remember. For their weddings, the people who helped in the preparations and to run the event were the cousins, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and other relatives. And I think it went pretty well. As extended family members, they viewed themselves as hosts, rather than guests, offering their help in whatever way they can, without people asking. The gotong-royong spirit was much stronger.

These days, it seems like bridesmaids are fulfilling these roles. Carry the gift trays before and after the nikah, coordinating with vendors and whatnots. The person who picks up and adjusts the bride’s train as she walks or sits and gives the bride a glass of water to drink is also bridesmaid instead of the Mak Andam these days. For these bridesmaids, good on them for doing a great job at making sure that the wedding goes smoothly.

And then there are also other bridesmaids who just tangkap jambu, take selfies 24/7 and go for smoke breaks most of the time instead of ensuring that all wedding and bride’s needs are fulfilled. Sometimes, when bride needs their favour to do something, they are nowhere to be seen, which totally defeats the purpose of having bridesmaids in the first place.

I am a logical person most of the time (I think), and I prefer doing things for practical reasons, rather than just because it will be ‘nice to do or to have’. I don’t have that luxury. And personally, I have never been a bridesmaid myself before. Almost every decision I made about my upcoming wedding is as logical and practical as possible. But of course, not everything can go my way, and there will be in fact a few illogical things at my wedding, which are beyond my control. Afterall, it is not entirely my event since I will just be sitting at the pelamin (trying) to look pretty while other people run the event for me. So, like almost everything else, if I were to have bridesmaids, it would have to be justifiable.

This is where my readers come in. Under what circumstances are bridesmaids necessary? What kind of roles exactly do they play? Please input your opinions and comments or share your experiences. I am still open to choices. Help me out? 😀


12 thoughts on “Wedding Bites: To bridesmaid or not to bridesmaid?”

  1. coordinated outfits and the frills are optional, but you probably do want to have some of your closest girlfriends/sisters/cousins by your side to stick by you on actual day, and help you cross items off your checklist as preps intensify. for me I prefer to engage bridesmaids with some important responsibilities so they dun feel bored waiting around for the wedding to end. that’s when the selfies and smoke breaks start, I suppose :p hope this will be a good opportunity for you to deepen your friendships and also help you enjoy your big day thoroughly 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wah I got a comment from the famous wedding kraken! 😱 Hahaha. Thanks for your input dear. Ya, I thought it would be good to keep them occupied with duties so that they don’t just occupy space only hahah. But sometimes I feel kinda bad for troubling them also. :/


  2. Same sentimentd babe! I know that i would definitely need one as we malays call them pengampit ya know. Hahaha. But who definitely a family member. Since im the first of the cucu to kahwin i doubt my cousins know enough the do’s and dont’s of wedding reception and ceremony. But a matchy matchy color themed outfits are def plus points for fams tho. Maybe im a bit yoo ambitious but i have hopes that i can handle the planning myself and just trust this one pengampit to ensure that the order are in sequence. Plus i do trust the vendor strong enough to not like ‘ruin’ my day. Hahahaha. What are they there for also eh. Hahaha. But whatever fits your bill babe. If you see the need to have a few, go ahead! Hehehe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you meant pengapit, and not pengampit. Hahaha. Anyway, ya since you’re the first cucu to kahwin, maybe some of your relatives may not be very experienced or well-informed on how they can help to run the event. May everything go smoothly for you!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So far from my experience of being a bridesmaid and from seeing my brother’s friends as groomsmen, we are given impt tasks and are attached to one of the bride/groom’s family member, i.e., one BM with mother of bride at duit salam table to ensure the moneybox is safe, not overflowing, take food/drinks for the mother, tolong usher masuk venue, the groomsmen attached to father of bride, tolong drive if gt last min errands or tertinggal barang that kind. Sometimes the family members themselves can be so busy or distracted so we as BM have been there to remind or prompt. At my friends wedding, nasib I jaga her ic, her htb ic and her dad’s ic bcos at last min bef nikah the dad was nowhere to be seen padahal the kadi is alr upstairs at the venue haha, so little little things like these la, hopefully a cooperative BM can help out.


    1. Thanks for your input, dear. That’s a good one! My parents will definitely need helpers since I’m the first child to get married and I know they will be an emotional wreck on that day. Hahaha


  4. hello fellow BTB! (:
    I’m the same as you actually. I didn’t want to have bridesmaid just for the sake of jumping on the bandwagon and following trends yknow. The main task for my bridesmaid(s) and best man for the day is to hold on to the envelopes for the balance payments to the vendors. For example my main bridesmaid will be responsible for balance payment to caterer and DJ, while the best man will pay the kadi and cake vendor. Best Man also has to hold on to the duit salam for the hadang ceremony.

    Other than that my event is also held at CC so my bridesmaid(s) are the ones responsible for opening the venue in the morning, and holding on to the hall and changing room and back door keys throughout the day. Other than that, my MUA will be leaving after doing my second outfit, so bridesmaid(s) will be responsible for making sure my make-up is still alright.

    Keeping that in mind, I don’t think I’ll need a herd of bridesmaids. Probably just one best man, and 1-2 bridesmaids. I won’t be doing matching outfits for them either; I think that’s too much imitation of western culture. But I’ll be giving them some duit penat at the end of the day.

    Hope I was of some help for you to make a decision. All the best for the rest of your wedding prep xx

    Liked by 1 person

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