First of all, thank you so much to everyone who have commented on my entry about bridesmaids and contributed their thoughts and comments about the practicality of having bridesmaids for a Malay wedding. They were definitely helpful and helped to play a part in my decision-making process. I will blog all about it again soon once things are more settled hehe. For now, it’s about time for the 4th entry my #MarriageBites series!
Most of the time, the thought of getting married excites me and I look forward to it, such that at first thought, I’d think, ‘what is there to miss about single life?’. But on a second thought, one of the most significant things that I will miss is myself and my freedom.
I am not implying that marriage would cause me to lose myself or my freedom totally. But it would definitely change my lifestyle. I have mentioned before that I am sure H would not be difficult on me. But I can’t deny that things are never going to be the same again because I will have a husband to live with for the rest of my life. I can no longer do whatever I want or go out wherever and any time I want, with whoever I want. I can’t live life for just myself anymore, because everything must revolve around my husband. I must always have his approval and permission. Our lives would be interconnected. And more importantly, he would be accountable for everything I do. My sins will be his sins.
Sometimes, it could make me feel overwhelmed and mildly depressing. All these might even sound oppressive, but we all know that Islam never oppresses. Yes, the wife’s actions must be answerable to the husband, but marriage is about more than just that. In fact, marriage in Islam opens up more doors to good deeds and eventually, to Jannah. We always hear that marriage completes half of our Deen. If we were to really reflect and ponder about this, we would realise that there are so many good deeds which are simple to do and can make us gain so much rewards, that could only be achieved within a marriage. Whenever I start to feel miserable about ‘losing my freedom’ after marriage, I would always try to comfort myself with this thought.
I have more to elaborate on the concept of why husbands are placed at a higher level of hierarchy and have more authority over wives in Islam, but I shall save it for another #MarriageBites post.
Another thing that I would miss when I am married is my family. Yup, I would have to stay over at H’s house with his family after the wedding, because we do not have space in my house. Believe it or not, we are 8 months to the wedding, but we have not settled our housing yet. Our BTO applications have been rejected twice. And yes, we applied quite late. This is one of the things that we regret not planning early for. Right now, we have just applied for SBF cos we have run out of patience and time to wait for another 4-5 years for a BTO to be ready and the ballot number will only be out in August. Oh gosh. A backup plan would be resale house, no choice. So yes, I will definitely miss my family, especially mum’s sambal belacan and home-cooked food. And I will miss disturbing my sister. For now, I just hope to settle our house issues soon so that we can have our own place to stay.