Quick check on the countdown shows that we are 22 days away at the point of writing.
Just a few weeks ago, I was thinking about how much more mentel I have become ever since the start of the wedding planning about one year ago. I thought I have become more excited for my wedding. But now, emotions have just gone wild and I’ve been feeling like I am feeling a million different emotions at the same time. It’s just hard to describe, but I’m sure some of you girls can relate. Happy, excited, relieved, exhausted, scared, worried, anxious, sad, can’t-wait-to-get-it-over-and-done-with, regret?, dreadful, in-denial, can-we-just-elope etc. Is this what wedding jitters feel like?
I used to be so chill last time, and I used to tell some of my friends “I think kalau besok aku nikah, I will be ok with it”. I am still pretty much chill now, but it’s slowly evaporating. That’s when I realised that all the waiting and all the time spent for the preparations are actually the cause of me feeling like I’m losing my chill right now. It’s like all those times spent in anticipation eats up so much energy. If I was given two months to prepare for the nikah, I would probably be more relaxed than the current circumstance. And this is only one year, I can’t imagine being engaged for 2-3 years. I would probably turn into a full-blown bridezilla.
As much as I’m trying to absorb and process all these emotions, it’s a bit sad to say but I don’t really like feeling like this. People have been telling me to enjoy the process. But honestly, I am not really enjoying it. A lot of brides also say that they always miss all the crazy wedding preparations and their wedding day. But what if I don’t really want to miss it? No judgement, but I would think that I am being superficial if I actually miss my wedding. I choose to look forward more to the marriage rather than the wedding, though that doesn’t mean I don’t want my wedding to be a memorable day.
(Okay bye, I’m actually starting to cry now and I’m sitting alone in my favourite cafe. These emotions are crazy omg)