Marriage Bites #9: How would you make your marriage work and keep it alive?

This space is so dusty now. End of December and early January has been busier than expected. So much for focusing on getting all the me-time I can get in January. Let’s get to my second last #MarriageBites entry shall we!

This question reminds me of Gary Chapman, specifically The 5 Love Languages and his explanation about how humans all have a love tank which wants to be filled. Thinking back about that book I read and to our Pre-marriage course, I guess H and I are pretty lucky cos we discovered that we have the same love language: Quality Time. It explains why we are so clingy all the time for the past 8 years that we have known each other. So I guess since both our love language is Quality Time, this is the easiest way to express love to each other consistently. Do everything together. Go for walks together, cook together, do laundry together, watch TV together, eat together, berak together, etc. Hopefully it turns out as easy as it sounds.

On the other hand, trying to think of ways to make a marriage work is not something so straightforward. I have been thinking of what to type on this topic for the longest time. So many things come to my mind when I think of this and I can go on and on, that this post will just turn out lengthy and confusing and lose its flow. Ultimately, every marriage is different and every couple is different. I think one of the most important things in a marriage is that the husband and wife must be consciously aware that it is OUR lives to live. Both parties should work together to find their way to navigate through life according to how they want it and not allow other people, especially society, to dictate how you should live your life. Not even your own parents.

To have kids or not to have kids. How many kids to have. To be a working mum or to be a stay-at-home mum. What kind of house to buy. To follow the latest housing concept for renovation or not. To go on once-a-year big holidays, or to go on small but frequent trips. Breast milk or formula. Let parents take care of kids, or send to infant care. To buy a car or not to buy a car. To allow kids to have a fun and happening childhood, or to send them to kumon/mindchamps/music classes/art classes/enrichments 7 days a week. Madrasah or secular school. (ok got carried away)

It’s going to be challenging and full of trial and error. It’s going to be tough to follow or not to follow what other people are doing, and then dealing with the different consequences. There are so many questions and things we don’t know at this point of time about what the future holds for us. And it’s making us scared. But we are going to dive into it head-on any way.

I realised I didn’t really answer the question, but whatever. There are just so many things going on in my mind lately.


3 thoughts on “Marriage Bites #9: How would you make your marriage work and keep it alive?”

  1. Omg yes yes! I have these same qns in mind now. 😑 Padahal belom kahwin lagi eh. Esp the having children part. & infant care or parents take care. & seeing so many kids @ work wanting their caregivers then their own parents is what i scared of & feel sad also. Haiss so scared thinking of what future holds, but in sha allah everything will be ok 😊💕


    1. Oh no, mesti the parents feel serba salah and heart broken when their kids prefer their caregivers over them. All the best for your marriage very soon! So excited for you.


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