First post as a wife! Alhamdulillah H and I have been married for almost a month now. I have been thinking about what to write in my first #WifesBites post. Should I talk about the wedding, the honeymoon, vendor reviews, married life? Well since I’m good at talking about my feelings, I shall write about my feelings from the nikah day till now.
As everyone knows, I’ve been really chillax all the way. So I kinda mentally prepared myself to get super emotional on the nikah day itself, or maybe even go into panic mode, just in case, you know, my emotions only decide to come out from the darkness at the last minute. But no. All the ex-BTBs who told me that they cried in the shower. Or during subuh prayer. Or panic during make up. Or couldn’t sleep the night before. None of those happened to me. I was quite surprised at myself. My mum cried even before we left the house because she saw me in my nikah make up. For me, the jitters only started when I left the house and stepped into my groomsmat’s car on the way to masjid. When I reached the masjid, I felt nervous for the first time. Ok I was also disappointed because I asked for hot pink decor but they put up baby pink instead -.- I sat down on the chair, looked at my bridesmaids arranging my dulangs and did some crowd control to get everyone seated in the right positions, waited for H’s side to arrive, kept looking at the clock. And there he came. I already told him not to look at me before the nikah because it’s not appropriate. But his eyes straightaway looked for me the minute he stepped in. I couldn’t decide whether to keep staring at the floor or to return the glance. I did eventually look back at him, then I realised he was staring at me, almost gawking. *facepalm* Few moments later, the nikah proceeded and alhamdulillah we were married. Ustaz Ismail Terimoh was very “orderly”, that it made me quite nervous. More reviews are reserved for a separate post. I remembered the second when we were “Sah”, I felt relieved, but more surprised because in my mind, I was thinking “That’s it? Islam is that simple?” I mean I know nikah in Islam has always been that simple. But to experience the whole akah nikah in just seconds, it made me think for just one second, ‘why didn’t I get married earlier if it was really this super simple’. No complicated ritual whatsoever. Just a few sentences, a mahr and a few people (wali and witnesses); and we’re halal. I tried not to cry during the nikah, and managed to hold a tear or two hehe. My mum cried buckets and of course I teared more when she hugged me.
Sanding Day 1
I was just a littleeee bit nervous for the walk in. We changed outfits at my house. As soon as our car reached the masjid, I could see so many people staring at us already and being in the center of attention always makes me nervous. Other than that, my emotions were more of less very stable throughout the day.
Sanding Day 2 – Songket
H and I came to Tanjong Katong Complex at 11am to start dressing up in the office/changing room for the sanding. Again, my emotions were quite stable at first. But I was a little bit more nervous for the second day because H’s side has a much longer guest list and is more grand than my side. I was even almost dozing off during make up. It was a songket outfit. When the MUA was putting on my sanggul lintang, OMG that shit is the most painful thing I’ve ever felt on my head and neck. It was so heavy, and my neck would cramp if I stay in the same position for too long. But at the same time, I wasn’t supposed to move too much cos takut bende tu jatoh/senget. When I was getting ready, H kept coming in and out of my changing room. My MUA pulak cerewet sikit and benci orang kacau bila dia tengah buat kerje, even if it’s my husband coming in to borrow a hairspray because his pak andam did not bring much of his own stuff (pfft). And then I discovered that there is actually such thing as a pantang whereby no one is supposed to keluar masok or look at the bride when the mak andam is putting on the sanggul lintang on her. It is to preserve the ‘seri’. I don’t really have much comments on that. Anyway, around that same time, I could hear that the kompang boys have reached and they are just outside, waiting for us. Somehow I got SUPER FREAKING NERVOUS. When H and I exitted the changing room together, I kept squeezing his hands because I was just very very nervous. The kompang was super loud, we chose the longer route to walk to the ballroom, people were everywhere taking photos of us. We really felt like royals. All the attention was making me scared and I almost felt like I wanted to puke, but I had to keep smiling and pretend like the heavy sanggul lintang wasn’t going to snap my neck and my head won’t roll off my shoulders. I was literally shaking and couldn’t stop shivering the whole time we were sitting on the pelamin. I must have squeezed H’s left arm so tight to control my shaking. The photo session felt so draggy and guests taking big group photos kept asking more and more people to join the photo, making everything feel like it’s never ending. I couldn’t think of ANYTHING other than taking off the damn sanggul lintang. Tried to distract myself by talking about random stuff and cracking random jokes with H during lull times. It was getting exhausting to think of ways to take my mind off the pain. I kept thinking of how happy I was that my family gets to see my wear the songket and sanggul lintang. Lunch time came. H and I couldn’t even eat much because the whole thing was just mentally draining. The whole time we were in the ballroom in the songket outfit, it was really crowded and we heard that the guests had to wait for new cutleries because the catering was struggling to keep up with the peak hour. Because of the crowd, we were slightly behind schedule to change outfit. Luckily one of my bridesminah was around to help me get out of the baju songket while my MUA prepare her stuff to touch up my make up. I was just happy to remove the sanggul lintang, but I’m really glad I put it on anyway. Just once in a lifetime, because that thing is super old school and traditional. Since I like a lot of things traditional, I’ve always known that I had to wear it on my wedding day. Also, some of my cousins say that I had the ‘seri pengantin’, whatever that is.
Sanding Day 2 – Cake cutting dress
The walk-in for this outfit is one of the most memorable moments of the entire wedding. We walked in to “Marry Me” by Jason Derulo. All our bridesminahs, groomsmats, family members and friends lined up along the red carpet to throw flower petals at us as we walked in. We walked straight to the cake, the DJ gathered everyone around us for the applause. And our bridesminahs and groomsmats popped confetti poppers on us as we cut the cake. It was one of the most magical moments ever. I remember feeling super relieved, more relaxed and very FREE now that the sanggul lintang was off. Maybe I was also extra cheerful during this outfit because all our mutual friends from TPJC were there. The same group of friends who have been there with us way before H and I were anywhere near the romantic stage. I was also very happy that my family members decided to stick around awhile longer just to see me in this outfit rather than just leaving after their meals. The only negative part during this period of time was that the songs from our playlist were not played by the DJ as they were supposed to. That killed the mood a little bit.
Our honeymoon flight was on a Monday evening, and we’re very happy we decided to leave almost as soon as the wedding was over. The first two weeks of marriage spent in New Zealand were the best days of my life. I don’t think I ever mentioned anything about my honeymoon plans. We were actually supposed to go Hawaii. But for better or for worse, we couldn’t get the tickets in time and had to cancel the trip one month before the wedding. That is partly why we were so busy during the final month. We immediately decided on a New Zealand trip and rushed through all the flight, hotel and car rental bookings. Coincidentally, that was also the period of time when Trump just officially became president and started his immigration ban thingy until US airports became chaotic. So the change of plans were really a blessing in disguise. I couldn’t have thought of a better honeymoon destination than NZ. It was just too beautiful to visit for anything other than a honeymoon. H and I were totally high in love and felt nothing but pure happiness throughout the trip.
We got back to Singapore and I moved in to my in-laws’ place straightaway. Back to reality, they say. The first week was busy spent packing, unpacking, cleaning up, going back and forth to my parents’ place to get more of my stuff. My emotions were like on a roller coaster during this week. I missed my family, my mum’s cooking, my old routine, my freedom (especially since I need to jaga aurat with my brother-in-law around), sleeping with my sister, disturbing my brother, and I missed Bedok (I’ve been a Bedok girl my whole life). Whatever emotional readiness I thought I have about living with my in-laws, I had none of it at all. They have been nice and accomodating and all. But it’s not them, it’s me. And I’m still trying to adapt now.
Right now, H and I still have not gotten down from the high of being a newly married couple yet. We are still very much madly and deeply in love, still mentel like a pengantin. Or maybe it will stay this way forever. It’s been really fun to be together all the time, doing things together, going through new experiences together. Some girls tell me that one of the biggest culture shock of married life is that your husband will be there with you 24/7 and it gets kind of ‘rimas’. Again, it doesn’t happen to me. In fact, I still miss my husband when we part ways to go to work. The only regret is not marrying earlier. 🙂