Wife Bites: Isolation

Yesterday I joined H and his friends for dinner and one of them mentioned how she has stopped asking her friends out once they are married, but will only wait for them to initiate the meet up.

To be honest, I felt the pinch when she said that. This is not entirely a new concept. Even in our younger days, when a friend suddenly has a new boyfriend or girlfriend, we have this natural tendency to distance ourselves away from them to give them more space/privacy/time because he/she now has a new commitment, a new responsibility or duty or obligation. We assume that their schedule becomes busier, cos now they have to spend time with one more important person in their lives. Well, H and I are feeling this “isolation” more prominently from our friends after marriage.

Please guys, don’t do this.

I totally understand that this distancing away tendency is real and is kind of natural. But it’s really not necessary at all. We still need our friends. And just like our pre-marriage days, we start to feel bored, lonely and lethargic when we don’t meet our friends for too long. Yes, sometimes we feel busier with chores etc, but marriage life can be tough and some lepak sessions with friends will be nice to help us unwind and take a break. Not that we are jelak to see our husband’s face everyday lah lol. But really, I think as long as kids are not in the picture yet, there’s no need to treat us any differently pre- and post- marriage in terms of asking us out.

Sometimes we do take the initiative to ask our friends out, but I don’t know why, it feels like the semangat is not as strong as as before anymore. H feels this strongly too with his friends, so I’m quite sure it’s not just me. While I understand that sometimes seeing your friends getting married will give you the feeling like you’re going to “lose” a part of your friendship, please know that married people don’t feel this at all! So if you are not married yet, please continue asking your married friends out as much as you like. They will appreciate it A LOT!

Or I might be just over-sensitive about this cos other people are also adulting and all. Oh well.


Wife’s Bites: 6 months!

Today officially marks 6 months of marriage, alhamdulillah! Tiny update: the cats have returned to their original owner 😦 They were with us for 6 weeks while their owner shift house. I was quite sad and heartbroken when they left. Never have I imagined to become so emotionally attached to cats! I have always loved cats, but I didn’t expect myself to have the emotional capacity to be extremely acquainted with them. The two boys have filled up our hearts so much, it felt like my life had actually had purpose with them around. No joke. Maybe this is how it feels like to have a child? When their owner came to our place last Sunday, I was initially emotionally okay. But after they left, H and I went out for a movie date. When we came back later that night, I couldn’t help but cry buckets like a baby! It was just super sad for me to come home to an empty house, with no cats greeting us and rubbing themselves against our legs, demanding attention. H was even prepared to make arrangements to adopt a new cat for us, but I was like woah chill dude, I am not that desperate to have a cat cos I have lived 26 years of my life without a cat so I definitely can live without one for now hahahaha.

Okay so how do we feel about our marriage after 6 months? Well I can go on and type out so many cheesy things we have gone through that makes me proud of us, but I shall not bore you with it cos most of them I have already mentioned in my previous posts. Basically, so far so good. At least to me, I feel like we have reached the stage where we need to constantly remind ourselves to not be complacent and put in more effort at being kind to each other and put in more effort in showing love hahahah. Other than that, well my mum has started to show her “tak-sabar-nak-cucu” anxiety by asking me to drink susu kurma and whatnots. Speaking of which, I can rant on and on about how ridiculous it is to expect a couple to conceive immediately after marriage, but that will be a topic for another day. It seems like we might only be getting our BTO keys in November or later haizz. Discussions on our house designs get heated pretty easily most of the time because like I mentioned before, H and I have very different tastes and ideas on our designs. Oh wellz. Also, discussions about our 10-year plan are intensifying. Everything is tentative, nothing concrete yet. Which can be very annoying and makes us anxious because there are just so many possibilities and things that can happen which we may never expect. Somehow we find that not many people plan as ahead as us. Or maybe they do, but they just refuse to share when we ask. Or maybe this is just a first-child thing.  We have dreams and ambitions, some of them may look very far-fetched, and planning our future around the future of our family members is very important. Our parents are not getting any younger. We are foreseeing them to start developing certain illnesses or conditions (touch wood nothing happens), which may affect us in many ways. What if they have no choice but to stop working, what if they choose to have an early retirement, who will pay the younger siblings’ school fees, what if their mobility is reduced, what if we need to take care of them, what if their conditions affect our future kids, who will take care of our younger siblings, until when do I work full-time, how do we change career and at which stage etc.

Okay enough blabbering. Can’t wait to go out dating with H later tonight! For the past 6 weeks when the cats were at home, we have been putting away date nights. Because the later we reach home, the later the cats have their wet food dinner. So conversations have been like this, “Nanti lepas kerje nak watch movie?” “Nanti kucing lapar” “Okay nvm”