Quick check on the countdown shows that we are 22 days away at the point of writing.
Just a few weeks ago, I was thinking about how much more mentel I have become ever since the start of the wedding planning about one year ago. I thought I have become more excited for my wedding. But now, emotions have just gone wild and I’ve been feeling like I am feeling a million different emotions at the same time. It’s just hard to describe, but I’m sure some of you girls can relate. Happy, excited, relieved, exhausted, scared, worried, anxious, sad, can’t-wait-to-get-it-over-and-done-with, regret?, dreadful, in-denial, can-we-just-elope etc. Is this what wedding jitters feel like?
I used to be so chill last time, and I used to tell some of my friends “I think kalau besok aku nikah, I will be ok with it”. I am still pretty much chill now, but it’s slowly evaporating. That’s when I realised that all the waiting and all the time spent for the preparations are actually the cause of me feeling like I’m losing my chill right now. It’s like all those times spent in anticipation eats up so much energy. If I was given two months to prepare for the nikah, I would probably be more relaxed than the current circumstance. And this is only one year, I can’t imagine being engaged for 2-3 years. I would probably turn into a full-blown bridezilla.
As much as I’m trying to absorb and process all these emotions, it’s a bit sad to say but I don’t really like feeling like this. People have been telling me to enjoy the process. But honestly, I am not really enjoying it. A lot of brides also say that they always miss all the crazy wedding preparations and their wedding day. But what if I don’t really want to miss it? No judgement, but I would think that I am being superficial if I actually miss my wedding. I choose to look forward more to the marriage rather than the wedding, though that doesn’t mean I don’t want my wedding to be a memorable day.
(Okay bye, I’m actually starting to cry now and I’m sitting alone in my favourite cafe. These emotions are crazy omg)
We are now less than 50 days away from the wedding. To be exact, 44 days away today.
December is coming to an end. We are down to the last 10 days of 2016. This whole month was spent distributing my invitation cards and meeting up with friends from different parts of my life just to catch up and pass them the invitations. It’s tiring, but thank god I don’t have that many friends, so it’s not too bad. I’ve been enjoying myself and I can’t think of a better way to wrap up 2016. Continue reading “Bride’s Bites: < 50 days”
I realised I have not been blogging about my feelings and emotions enough. In fact, once all the crazy wedding planning is finally over, one of the things that I would love to look back to, is how I felt at each point of time.
I was actually inspired to write this entry because I was doing a bit of spring cleaning last Sunday. I found a few boxes and bags containing sentimental stuff of H and me, like our movie tickets, entrance tickets to many different shows/museums/galleries/places of interests, birthday cards, anniversary cards, letters to each other while we were going through NS and long distance relationship etc. The best part about spring cleaning is always finding this kind of stuff and going through them. I spent awhile re-reading all the old cards and letters H wrote to me and I couldn’t help but bawl my eyes out. It reminded me of all the difficult stages of life we went through together and to think we actually pulled through and came out stronger than before, till we’re almost getting married, it’s just so amazing. It made me realise how blessed we were, to have almost all our prayers answered till today.
A few weeks ago, I had a henna assignment in Boon Lay. Walking through Jurong Point brought back so many memories too. About 5-6 years ago, I used to travel all the way to Jurong Point after school just to meet H during his weekly Wednesday “nights out” when he was training at Pasir Laba camp. We would either watch a movie, or just go for dinner and lepak at starbucks for a few hours until it’s time for him to go back to camp to book in again.
Now that we have come this far, I can’t help but reflect back at all the things we went through together. For me, the most memorable moments of our courtship days were not really the sweet moments or the good days, but it was the toughest times. It was the NS days in 2010-2011, the 5 months when I was away on exchange in Canada in 2013, and the 6 months when H was away on exchange in Europe in 2015. Those were the days when circumstances could have broken us apart. When we were not even sure of ourselves, despite giving each other assurances. When we truly struggled to keep the relationship alive. The journeys were the toughest on those days, and we felt like giving up a few times, especially through the NS phase. But because of the hurdles, our efforts and commitment to keep the flame burning tripled. Despite the insecurities, the uncertainties, the distance and time difference during the almost one year of combined LDR (this one no joke), we were devoted to make sure it works out. And it is exactly because of all the effort we put in that makes it the most memorable times of our relationship. It is not something that we wish to experience all over again, but I think if we didn’t go through all that, we might not be getting married. Those phases were like the tests of love. If there were no tests for my boyfriend and I to pass, how would I know we would be able to pass so many other tests in life together? So we are quite thankful that He made us go through all this before finally uniting us for good in 67 days insyaAllah.