A Talk on Marriage from a 21st Century Wife Perspective

Last Saturday I attended a talk on marriage by a popular young ustazah at Suntec. There were 2 special guests. Generally, the topic was about whether marriage is limiting or liberating for a woman to reach her fullest potential.

My best takeaways from this talk were from the Q&As. One of the things that impacted me was the advice given for couples whereby the wife earns more than the husband. One of the guest speaker said that it doesn’t really matter who earns more, because your success is also thanks to your spouse’s support. If the wife earns more, she wouldn’t be successful if her husband didn’t supported her by giving his approval and taking care of the kids/family/parents while she goes out to work. And vice versa. So it’s a two-way thing. No matter who earns more, the whole family benefits anyway. Credit should be given where due and there is no need for ego. But if a husband doesn’t provide nafkah because the wife earns more, then sorry but he’s a jerk.

I am probably a bit “terasa” by this topic because I have been told by a few people close to me to take it down a notch with my henna business. Continue reading “A Talk on Marriage from a 21st Century Wife Perspective”


Quarter Life Crisis

So H has been working for almost over a year now and I think he is facing a little bit of quarter life crisis. I remember feeling this way when I first started working a few years ago.

Completed my education, got my degree, got a job, settled my loans, 5-year plan on track, got married, now what’s next? I think the mundane routine of going to work and coming home from work every day without anything concrete to look forward to, makes us feel a little bored and we start to wonder what is the purpose of life. Why do we go to work when we hate our jobs? Just for money? For what, other than to survive? To give back to parents? So mainstream. To give back to the community? So cliche. To travel? To start a family? To buy a half a million dollar HDB flat which will never truly be mine because technically we are just renting it for 99 years? What’s the whole purpose of getting up, shower, work, go home, eat, sleep, lepak, berak, do laundry, dry clothes, fold clothes, repeat?

It feels like there is this void in your life, like there’s not enough meaning or fulfilment. And then H said to me, “Shall we have a baby?” Erm……no. It’s not that I don’t want kids lah, but this is obviously not the solution to a quarter life crisis lol.

I was just telling H what I did when I was in his shoes a few years back. I guess it was kinda worse for me back then because while I had already started working, H still had 3 more years to go before graduation. So I had to wait for him. My life felt quite stagnant. Like someone pressed the pause button. So I searched for things to do to occupy my time. Having more financial freedom meant that I had more power to do the things I’ve always wanted to do, as well as things that are out of my comfort zone. So I started signing up for things and classes. I went for zumba. I tried yoga and piloxing. I even signed up for a swimming class and this is probably my proudest recent achievement ever. I never knew how to swim before this, but now I can do the breast stroke even though I’m still a horrible swimmer. I used to have one or two tutions to occupy my time back then too. I also used to attend a class at Darul Arqam religiously (pun intended LOL) for awhile. Basically, I pondered about what would I regret not trying in my life when it is too late. I went for this and that sharing sessions, met new people, made more friends. And life started to feel better and not so mundane after all. But there are still some things I kinda regret not doing, like signing up for that kickboxing class at the ladies gym. I haven’t been to those kind of courses/classes for awhile now because wedding preparations made me busier. But I guess it’s time to start again now, while guiding H on his own personal self-discovery process at the same time lol. Marriage life sometimes kept us occupied with ourselves too much. Like we focus a lot on serving our spouse and continue to shower attention to our parents and families consistently that we may forget about our own personal growth.

Anyway, we’ve been married for 7+ months now, and alhamdulillah we’ve been consistently doing all the things we want to do after the wedding, in terms of kickstarting our new life together. Treated both our families to a nice meal right after our honeymoon. Got a solid health insurance plan for both of us which comes with a rider. Settled reviewing our parents health insurance and make sure they are sufficiently covered so that we don’t have to worry so much since we are both the first child. Researched house designs, hunted for an ID and signed the contract! Now just waiting for our keys in December insyaAllah. Get our own place to stay while waiting for our BTO keys. Had our post-wedding photoshoot at our alma mater, TPJC.  Plans to register for hajj are underway. Started to look up umrah packages too. Still thinking about adopting a cat or two. And last but not least, I have FINALLY started driving lessons! YESSAAA!!

Marriage Bites #9: How would you make your marriage work and keep it alive?

This space is so dusty now. End of December and early January has been busier than expected. So much for focusing on getting all the me-time I can get in January. Let’s get to my second last #MarriageBites entry shall we!

This question reminds me of Gary Chapman, specifically The 5 Love Languages and his explanation about how humans all have a love tank which wants to be filled. Thinking back about that book I read and to our Pre-marriage course, I guess H and I are pretty lucky cos we discovered that we have the same love language: Quality Time. Continue reading “Marriage Bites #9: How would you make your marriage work and keep it alive?”

Marriage Bites #8: Why did you choose to marry your partner?

It’s December, the last month of 2016! 2017 is just around the corner and before we know it, I am someone’s wife. Speaking of that someone, this month’s #MarriageBites issue is about him. A little warning: it’s going to be mushy.

Way before I started dating, I admit that my choice of men have always been influenced by Bollywood.

Continue reading “Marriage Bites #8: Why did you choose to marry your partner?”

Marriage Bites #7: How would you prepare for a marriage?

I have been thinking about this for quite awhile now, specifically, since around the time I attended the first WTB sharing session about two years ago. That sharing session was really insightful and quite an eye-opener to me, because I had not thought much about marriage before that. But meeting the other WTBs was quite a blessing.


To be honest, H and me have always thought that we were emotionally prepared for marriage. Afterall, we have been very deeply in love for years and the only thing that stopped us from getting married any earlier is financial. Well Continue reading “Marriage Bites #7: How would you prepare for a marriage?”