The other day H and I were talking about something related to marriage and kids. I have a 24-year-old brother and H has a 24-year-old sister. We were just casually mentioning how both our siblings are still single and do not have a proper career yet although both have finished school, so they are nowhere near settling down and stuff. And H mentioned how my parents are not too worried about my brother not getting married any time soon, but his mum is more worried for his sister because she’s had no luck finding a partner so far. Continue reading “Sons vs. Daughters”
So H has been working for almost over a year now and I think he is facing a little bit of quarter life crisis. I remember feeling this way when I first started working a few years ago.
Completed my education, got my degree, got a job, settled my loans, 5-year plan on track, got married, now what’s next? I think the mundane routine of going to work and coming home from work every day without anything concrete to look forward to, makes us feel a little bored and we start to wonder what is the purpose of life. Why do we go to work when we hate our jobs? Just for money? For what, other than to survive? To give back to parents? So mainstream. To give back to the community? So cliche. To travel? To start a family? To buy a half a million dollar HDB flat which will never truly be mine because technically we are just renting it for 99 years? What’s the whole purpose of getting up, shower, work, go home, eat, sleep, lepak, berak, do laundry, dry clothes, fold clothes, repeat?
It feels like there is this void in your life, like there’s not enough meaning or fulfilment. And then H said to me, “Shall we have a baby?” Erm……no. It’s not that I don’t want kids lah, but this is obviously not the solution to a quarter life crisis lol.
I was just telling H what I did when I was in his shoes a few years back. I guess it was kinda worse for me back then because while I had already started working, H still had 3 more years to go before graduation. So I had to wait for him. My life felt quite stagnant. Like someone pressed the pause button. So I searched for things to do to occupy my time. Having more financial freedom meant that I had more power to do the things I’ve always wanted to do, as well as things that are out of my comfort zone. So I started signing up for things and classes. I went for zumba. I tried yoga and piloxing. I even signed up for a swimming class and this is probably my proudest recent achievement ever. I never knew how to swim before this, but now I can do the breast stroke even though I’m still a horrible swimmer. I used to have one or two tutions to occupy my time back then too. I also used to attend a class at Darul Arqam religiously (pun intended LOL) for awhile. Basically, I pondered about what would I regret not trying in my life when it is too late. I went for this and that sharing sessions, met new people, made more friends. And life started to feel better and not so mundane after all. But there are still some things I kinda regret not doing, like signing up for that kickboxing class at the ladies gym. I haven’t been to those kind of courses/classes for awhile now because wedding preparations made me busier. But I guess it’s time to start again now, while guiding H on his own personal self-discovery process at the same time lol. Marriage life sometimes kept us occupied with ourselves too much. Like we focus a lot on serving our spouse and continue to shower attention to our parents and families consistently that we may forget about our own personal growth.
Anyway, we’ve been married for 7+ months now, and alhamdulillah we’ve been consistently doing all the things we want to do after the wedding, in terms of kickstarting our new life together. Treated both our families to a nice meal right after our honeymoon. Got a solid health insurance plan for both of us which comes with a rider. Settled reviewing our parents health insurance and make sure they are sufficiently covered so that we don’t have to worry so much since we are both the first child. Researched house designs, hunted for an ID and signed the contract! Now just waiting for our keys in December insyaAllah. Get our own place to stay while waiting for our BTO keys. Had our post-wedding photoshoot at our alma mater, TPJC. Plans to register for hajj are underway. Started to look up umrah packages too. Still thinking about adopting a cat or two. And last but not least, I have FINALLY started driving lessons! YESSAAA!!
Just after my last post, H came home last Friday night after meeting his bros and shared with me what they talked about over supper. They were catching up, and H was updating them about things that have been going on in our still relatively new married life. One of the latest updates is that we have chosen an ID and signed the contract! (More on that in a separate post) During the conversation, H’s friends commented on how we had our life “all figured out”.
I mentioned that H and I are one of the first among our friends to get married, get a house etc. But I was taken aback by that comment. No, we are definitely very far from having it “all figured out”. But thanks for saying that out loud. Because it made me realise how ungrateful I was. Amazing how right after I ranted out and complained about my life openly, Allah sends me a message in the form of someone else’s words, to remind me to just be more thankful.
Yes, it may be difficult, but this is His plan for us and His plans are the best. For goodness sake, some of our friends are still struggling to save money to get married and buy a house. Heck, some of my friends are still single and having a hard time looking for a partner and worry for a lonely future. We all have our own struggles and the grass will always look greener on the other side. But sometimes while we are too focused on the negative aspects of our lives, we don’t realise that there are other people who wish they could be in our shoes instead. That comment felt like a slap to my face, but I deserved it and I needed to hear it. Alhamdulillah.
Now back to the main purpose of this post. I am really excited that H and I just became instant parents….. to two very lovely cats!!! Hehehehe. Well, they are technically not our cats. H’s colleague asked for a favour to babysit his 2 cats for about a month or so, because he needs to shift house. H and I have never had any cats before, so we are totally inexperienced. But since we have been contemplating on having a cat for some time, we jumped at this opportunity for a “one month free trial” to experience how it’s like having cats before we decide to get our own cats for real in future! Last Sunday, the owner sent the two kitties to our place together with their basic necessities like food and litter. Alhamdulillah, I am really very happy and excited to be given this temporary amanah. They were born last October, so although they are quite adult-sized already, they are still considered kittens in age. They have been adapting really well. Too well actually. It’s amazes us how manja and attention-seeking they can be. And their playfulness is just mind-blowing. So much for thinking that cats sleep most of the time. They are so freaking active please. Kadang-kadang aku yang penat layan diorang. Initially we were also a little worried because we have never even had one cat, let alone taking care of two. But we realised it’s really great that the 2 cats have each other for company cos if not, they will be super lonely. The two cats are brothers, by the way. When we left for work on Monday morning and left them at home alone, I felt so sad for them and kept missing and thinking about them at work, wondering what they were doing at home. Today is the 6th day they have been with us, and my heart feels so full. I was telling H that having the 2 boys fills up a hole in my heart. Dah macam anak sendiri pulak eh. Hahaha. It’s been good so far. We just need to get used to the new routine of feeding them and keeping their area and litter box clean. But they have also been adapting so well that they are getting more and more daring with climbing and jumping all over the house and disturbing our chores. Thankfully, there are no major damages. Now that we have gotten to know them better, I think we might need to start to impose some sort of control on their behavior and maybe even set some boundaries for them around the house. We even bought for them a new litter box and scratch post. I think it’s very clear to them that H and I dote on them a lot, so I am a bit worried that they might get spoiled and take their freedom for granted.
Cat parents, any advice? 🙂
It’s been a really pleasant 20+ days of ramadhan as husband and wife for the first time, alhamdulillah. Especially now that we are living on our own. Feels really good to be independent, and not rely on parents for food for buka and sahur every day, although it can get tiring because we have to really do everything on our own, including raya preparations. Continue reading “Wife’s Bites: The Thing About Being The First Child and The First Everything”
I will find time to write vendor reviews soon, provided I still remember what happened on my wedding day hahaha. But for now, I feel the need to consistently pen down my thoughts and emotions before it fades or evolve and I forget how I was feeling at each point of time.
Alhamdulillah, now that I have been staying with my husband at my in-laws’ for 6 weeks, we are more ‘settled’ and have established stable daily and weekly routines or schedules. Like we know how often to do laundry, how often to visit my parents, how often to go out on date nights, how often to eat out or eat dinner at home, how to handle our finances etc.
Anyway, here are 5 things I have learned so far from marriage.
- Love is a choice, not a feeling.